


and now i'm down to my skin and bones

by orphan_account



Series: two blue hearts locked in our own minds [3]
Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, slight comfort in the end tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 10:48:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10989372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: all samuel could remember is wanting to run away — to somewhere more spacious, where he could breathe, somewhere which he couldn’t be reminded of his unknown future.





	and now i'm down to my skin and bones

all samuel could remember is wanting to run away — to somewhere more spacious, where he could breathe, somewhere which he couldn’t be reminded of his unknown future. the thought scares him; the future. he doesn’t like to think about it too much, just a simple idea of not knowing how he would end up in a few months scare the fuck out of him. two weeks ago he was feeling safe and comfortable being in top 2 and he tries to push away the anxious thought — that he could easily fall down the ranks next week — deep and away to the back of his mind because he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. however, he couldn’t help but tells himself that _i told you so_ , there is no way, _no way_ he could be number 2. there is nothing special about him, he isn’t like daehwi who has a magnetic aura around him or likeable like jihoon or charismatic like daniel. he wishes he is and he tries — _god_ , did he try — but he knows nothing is exceptional about him. he is just…ordinary.

 

anxious thoughts come through his head in one sudden rush once he is alone, the room he is in suddenly feels both to small and immensely too vast at the same time. he doesn’t even realise that his hands has been shaking, not until he is reaching to the phone on the table. he wants to call his mother, desperately wants to feel something tangible of home, but he stops himself. he doesn’t want his mother to be worried — more worried than she is already.

 

so he sits down at the edge of the room and silently cries. he thinks about his mother’s soft voice humming a random tune as she cleans the dishes. the comforting sound of streaming water falling down from the tap and even the loud whirring of a vacuum in the morning that always wakes him up early in weekends because his mother likes to do the cleaning every sunday morning. he could almost smell his mother’s kimchi that is sometimes a little too spicy to his liking. he misses home so badly but he knows if he comes home now he wouldn’t be able to come back to korea. his mother wouldn’t let him. despite his efforts, he still couldn’t stop crying in fear for his own future, his hands are still shaking and now his chest hurts. both from crying and the lack of air coming in. he is taking short, heaving breaths now and it doesn’t help that he is sobbing too. he thinks about his mother’s warm hugs and imagine himself being surrounded by it to calm himself down.

 

when daehwi finds him in the room the older boy immediately rushes to comfort him without thinking of anything else. the boy is still cautious despite being utterly worried seeing samuel heavily sobbing and his body physically shaking. he slowly outstretch his arm and places a reassuring hand on samuel’s shoulder. the boy doesn’t seem to notice, or is too shaken up to even notice so slowly, daehwi wraps his arms around samuel’s trembling body. he runs his hand up and down samuel’s back to ease the younger boy.

 

“you are okay, sammy,” he whispers lovingly. he repeats the words again just to make sure that samuel heard him. 

 

the younger hears daehwi telling him that ‘ _i am here and you are not alone_ ’ but samuel couldn’t help it. he couldn’t help but feel alone even when he is surrounded by many. not when he is miles away from his mother. not when he has been fighting for a dream he desperately wants for years. not when he has been living in fear for the very thing that keeps him breathing.

 

daehwi isn’t sure how long they stayed that way, but he doesn’t let go until samuel stops crying. and when the younger stops crying, his breathing paused in between hiccups, daehwi starts telling samuel how he is proud of samuel, that samuel has helped him so much in improving his own performance, that samuel has been such a great friend, that samuel is utterly talented and things would get better.

 

“it would sammy, i promise you.” daehwi coos. samuel doesn’t believe him, he thinks his very soul has been crushed so many times he doesn’t know if he wants to fix it anymore. it’s do or die for him — and at this point he feels like an utter failure. daehwi could see it, so he promises that he’ll help samuel become himself again.

**Author's Note:**

> i love suffering  
> (i'm sorry i promise a cute thing next part ok)


End file.
